everyone is single if you try hard enough
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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