I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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