Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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