Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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