How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
pray to the hookup gods
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
