Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
