i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
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I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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