I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
