It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
