I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
