arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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