new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
