I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
