I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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