i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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