You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
