I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
