this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
