On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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