Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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