It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
