Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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