Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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