She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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