Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
