Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Couch. On fire.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
