Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize