$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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