I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
