if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Who died my cat blue again?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
