I seem to have left my pride at pride
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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