Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
