Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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