guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
