Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
