just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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