Michael Bay diarrhea
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Less talking, more tequila
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
