do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
