That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
