so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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