Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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