I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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