I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
