i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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