did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize