I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
