420 ftw
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
