I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
