My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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