quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
