I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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