The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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