So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
