Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
