So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
