he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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