I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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