You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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