hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
