Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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