never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
