I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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