I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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