Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
