I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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