Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
